you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
