my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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