Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
