I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
