and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
