dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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