Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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