this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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