Who wears a wallet chain?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
