I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
