I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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