He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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