apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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