Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
