All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to sanitize my soul.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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