did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
