Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
