This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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