Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
