I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
