He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
