I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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