Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
