when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
where am i from again
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
