i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
