my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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