hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
