there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this will be a night to untag.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
