He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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