You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
