butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
