Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
