think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
