when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
