There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
