I think I died a long time ago.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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