y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
