She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
