i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
