I hate all girls vehemently.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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