did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
