Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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