Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
