Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
