i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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