there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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