WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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