I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
