You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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