Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
