i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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